“Smile, Breathe and Go Slowly” — Thich Nhat Hanh
Tag kindness
Hold the Moment
These days we often are reminded to stay present, breathe, slow down, be in the now, be mindful; all are different ways to get our attention to be in our bodies. Of course we have to make plans into the future or we’d never get anything done, yet there is a way to be aware in the present as we plan ahead. And for dwelling in the past, we can find ourselves ruminating on something that happened months or years ago. The best place to spend as much time as possible is RIGHT NOW. That can mean savoring each detail of our cup of tea or coffee as we make it, from the cup we choose to our favorite spot to enjoy it. Or how we pay attention to our pet when they come to us for attention, maybe noticing the feel of their fur, eye contact and that tail action. As a human, often our thoughts are elsewhere rather than enjoying the simpleness of where we are and what we are doing right now.
Sometimes a special moment finds us, we feel it and want to capture it in our mind’s eye, to commit it to memory. Beyond reaching for a camera, we can remind ourselves to “Hold the moment”. Have you ever been in a situation you know you want to remember, and somehow give yourself a hint to be able to retrieve it when need be? Maybe your parents are dancing in the kitchen, or you have a laughing attack with a dear friend, or it is snowing the first day of summer. “Hold the moment” often pertains to the feeling inside of us the moment evokes. It seems another way to appreciate something special as it is happening right in front of us.
Frenzy
It feels like we are in some kind of frenzy on the planet right now. Frenzy defined as a violent agitation, mania, a craze, temporary madness or delirium. Yes, that is what it can feel like when we hear all the goings on in this moment. Sometimes it can seem hard to discern what is what. If memory serves, we are not used to so much intense calamity piled on top of one another, again and again, over and over. Part of the calamity includes a sense of chaos without any grown up style resolution or problem solving. It feels like we are being constantly pummeled with never-ending gobsmacking events worldwide. We don’t want to become numb but it also is hard to be available daily to process the latest whatever and figure out what action or response might be ours to do. With constant news of chaos and violent acts, it can feel like a hate frenzy of some sort when taken in all at once. Overload and harsh.
And what happens to a frenzy? Does it wear itself out? Get something sobering poured on it suddenly to drop the voltage? And in the face of frenzy, what do the rest of us do? What is the opposite of being in a frenzy or part of one? Being in a calm, cool and collected place? Sounds like we need to pay attention to ourselves, or inner selves to stay in a calm, cool and collected state so as not to feed the frenzy around us, and in the world. And support others around us who also want to stay calm. We can support each other in a frenzied worldwide time. Maybe our calmer energy can help to quiet the frenzied energy? Let us trust that is how this works.
As Winston Churchill said, ” Stay Calm and Carry On”.
The Idea of Deserving
In reading the novel “Sister of My Heart” by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni, a line on page 301 stood out.
“… love is never about deserving, is it? Nor is hate. “
Whether this sounds like a truism or not, it seemed curious enough to ponder. We might not often think about the deserving part of feelings, like love and hate. In terms of deserving hate, what came to mind were the innocent or unprovoked ways one might be on the receiving end, like being born a certain way or in a certain place. How do these feelings manifest?
Years ago a sociology professor discussing “isms” tried to illustrate the value of being aware of our own personal worldviews. She described the worldview as the individual lens we each see through and filter our own experiences. Whether we grew up in a nuclear family, orphanage, poor, well off, healthy, sickly, male, female, skin color, country of origin etc, all those things and more make up our personal worldview and “biases” through which we experience the world. We may not want to change our worldview, but it seems important to understand what it is and own it. Our choices and behaviors emerge from our specific worldview, a worldview if not examined, we might think is everyone’s way of thinking, feeling, or responding.
We might be acting on an unexamined feeling or bias, one particular to ourselves; a micro experience rather than a larger shared view. For instance, maybe we had a strong experience with a red-haired person. We might then have an unexplored bias against anyone with red hair; maybe an aversion, never hired them, dated them etc..Or the opposite. A bias towards red haired people. Whichever, we had a feeling and then acting on it, in this case, affecting our response to red haired people.
“Knowledge is power” as the saying goes. And another one (Plato?) is “An unexamined life isn’t worth living.” Circling back on this notion …” love is not about deserving it, nor is hate.” It takes courage to invest in self-knowledge, to understand our motivations and our worldview, whether we want to make changes or not. At least we might better understand our own “love and hate” responses.
Common Threads
What are some common threads we see in our own lives? Even if we have moved all over, taken a variety of jobs, or felt lost at times, there is a thread we wove throughout. Some element pulled us through our lives that can be viewed as a common thread.
Particularly in our 20s and 30s while we are trying to make sense of this “new’ world, didn’t we actively seek out people, books and experiences to gain understanding about life and living? Life is a smorgasbord of tastings and possibilities. Gradually we find what resonates for us. Or maybe fall into it. The common thread shows up in our own choices, decisions and preferences; day by day, year to year.
We have earned this place in our lives. We can remain curious and take time to contemplate the common thread running through our own lives. If our lives has many twists and turns we might wonder what is the common thread. Maybe we chose our path based on principles, or love, stability or maybe the constant was the adventure of wherever the wind blew us? We can find common threads in the tapestry of what makes our life our life. And we keep weaving.
Sharing Life Lessons
In reading a quote from Olympic coach LaTanya Sheffield, her coaching philosophy is “Share all of the life lessons and wisdom that you have.” She was talking about the athletes she works with and her daughters, yet it seems it could apply to any aspect of one’s life. Maybe we don’t think what we have to share is wise, or even a life lesson, but there are things that having more years of experience can be helpful to those a minute or two behind us on this life journey.
Maybe it is a short moment between you and a stranger. The person shares something about a challenge they are having, and you have a perspective that might prove helpful. We don’t mean offering a lecture or being bossy pants but rather how it is broached and received, this can be the act of sharing life lessons we have with those who might benefit. And by benefit we mean, if years ago someone had shared with us that same wisdom, might we have saved ourselves some grief, suffering or time? Or just not felt so alone? Perhaps all we “gain” by sharing is to ease someone through a difficult moment, and then we move on. Maybe it helps, maybe they do think about our words. Or maybe we are building capacity with another/others through a longer “relating ship”.
A life lesson is earned and can be a gift to pass along. It seems a person may not know or have perspective on their own dilemma or goal. They may be swimming in confusion, angst or overwhelm. Certainly they may not have the bird’s eye view a more experienced or wiser soul might see. If we can see something, and say something relevant, it just may be the lift or insight needed because those confused or “in it” at the moment might not know what is going to help. It can be a gift delivered and shared.
Heart Brain * Heart See
The book by Angela Santomero ” Radical Kindness” talks to the idea of, well one, we need more kindness in the world. She describes what she calls Heart Brain or Heart See as the kindest place for humans to act. To act from our heart brain in all things of this world. The idea that our heart does have intelligence (she cites studies) and is faster to know, intuitive, simplifies and is connected to our body and mind/brain responses. She claims the true power, life-changing power comes from kindness and the act of giving and receiving in our living years. For her this heart brain energy, practice and choice would result in more harmony and fewer conflicts.
Many of us are weary of the conflicts and lack of harmony all around us, wishing someone else would stop it or be different, or let go of old stories, or current disagreements. The practice and challenge seems to be to treat ourselves with kindness and consideration too. And treat and see everyone else from that same place as well, be it family or a stranger. Act from our hearts. See with our hearts. Heart See.
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