When we speak of breathability we often are referring to fabric. Does the fabric breathe? Does the air circulate and permeate it, like with cotton? But what about ourselves, our breathability? Breathability is a feeling or the contrast from being wound up or tense, to the change in our bodies of relaxing, our chest opens and we can feel our full breath moving. Breathability. Ahhhhhhh.

Sometimes feeling that shift to body openness can catch us by surprise. Maybe we didn’t know we were holding our breath or not fully relaxed. Like at bedtime, that little letting go as we lie there. Our days can be crazy. We are tensing up and holding on just to get through the day, working through our to-do lists. Even if our to-do list is full of things we want to do, we still might tense up, as a way to power through things.

A shift to breathability might come upon us unexpectedly. Maybe as we are awed by nature , or enter a room with our dearest person inside, or just feel the busyness of the day has stopped and now there is time to sit for a moment. Breathability can be a physical and emotional shift. It seems the whole chest cavity fills up at the same time as it relaxes all the muscles around it. Often we aren’t aware of how much we are holding in; in our muscles, in our hearts, in our minds…well, until we are not holding anymore.

The feeling of breathability can be spontaneous and can take us unawares. The gift can be once we are aware, we might choose to slow down in the run of a day, and take a few deep breaths in an effort to capture a longer moment of breathability.

The idea and practice of lingering came to mind. We talk often of wanting to connect with others. One way is to not rush off when bumping into someone we know, but rather lingering, and taking the time to have a few meaningful exchanges. Many of us do rush off. Maybe we are busily booked, or uncomfortable to linger for some reason. Certainly if spending a little more time with that person or group doesn’t appeal, then there is no good reason to linger, yet when organic moments present themselves, lingering can help build connections.

Some of us learned to “run off” once the appointed time or activity was scheduled to end. We might be the first to leave. We might feel uncomfortable or in the way. Yet many of the meaningful exchanges and feeling of understanding can come from those unexpected moments when we “stay put” or linger. Many a precious and unexpected conversation can happen when we aren’t in a rush, and maybe just at ease enough to linger a couple of minutes and show curiosity about a person or further a conversation.

If all our time is planned and we scoot from one thing to another without a bit of grace time in between, or taking a moment to linger, we might be missing out on deepening a connection we say we want. And as we age deliciously, a part of that is growing those connections and being available for a bit of lingering.

No matter one’s age, we all are more interesting and interested when we are curious about the world, other people and new things. Curiosity needn’t stop when we reach our 60s or 90s. Those who ask thoughtful questions, mingle with new people at parties… well those are interesting people and interested.

Sometimes we have encountered folks in their 80s or older and their interest in anyone or anything new seems non-existent. When we meet such a person, we might get more of a litany of their ailments or worries, or advice based on a long-gone experience. At times, as much as we love them, we may feel we are keeping them company in their comfort zone yet there’s nothing “delicious” we can expect in return, or maybe even real connection in the present.

And of course, there are many people aging deliciously. Signs of aging deliciously might look like signing up for new courses, traveling to new places, curious to learn, serve and meet new people. Probably those of us with more curiosity about life and living than fear or resistance to it will be living and aging well?

Personal life curiosity and form of expanding oneself can have its’ moments of “oh nooo” if we put ourselves in a beginner mode of a new thing. To not be good at something at first, or not familiar with the people or circumstance can be scary, or what we might avoid as we age. Yet, by choosing to stretch ourselves, be curious about others, sit with new people in a group, be willing to be a beginner sometimes, that energy helps expand our view of life and our time of life.

A simple way to calm ourselves and get back into the moment is to take three deep breaths. We could be waiting in line at the supermarket, behind the wheel in traffic, standing on a busy street corner, or about to have a tricky conversation. Or maybe we just feel anxious and not sure why.

The simplest tool at everyone’s disposal is to take three deep breaths. That deep breath is a way to reconnect to ourselves and the moment. It can help anchor us. Maybe shift how we feel. A deep conscious breath slows us down and also brings more oxygen into our bodies. Many of us are shallow breathers, so now and again a few deep breaths can be a healthy shift towards calm.

A few deep breaths can be a simple yet elegant gift you give yourself throughout your day.

We need more conversations. And to clarify, a conversation is when we listen, are curious, consider the other points of view, and keep adding to the conversation in ways that may illuminate or expand on the topic, moving it forward. We aren’t arguing or attacking, no. We are listening and feel curious about what is being said, and what we might learn.

We may be getting out of practice of listening, allowing other points of view to intrigue us rather than threaten us. There is a school of thought that to be part of a true conversation, that in that space, many problems can actually be solved. Have you ever been in a great exchange session where you could keep building and building on what was just said or offered? Without fresh input we rarely come up with real creative solutions. When we are invited to participate, meaning we aren’t being shut down, then amazing new thought connections can be made. It is exhilarating.

How can complex long standing problems get solved, really solved, if we aren’t open and really listening? Or if we keep attacking the speaker? Or get attacked? We can be hard on ideas, but not on people. In a relaxed conversation, where it is understood we are going to listen, be curious and consider, that energy can lead us to see helpful solutions emerge. Or certainly an inspired discussion that provided good reflection.

We can assist in initiating more conversation in our day to day lives, be it in our homes, work or play. Conversation requires some open ended questions that might start with How, When, or What.We may feel shut down by a conversational opportunity with remarks like “That’s stupid”, or You are so….”, or Why would you say that? or …..well, you get the picture. What we say can put an end to any chance of a real conversation, or fully open it up.

True conversation seems a rarity, maybe an art we need to initiate where we can. To be part of a conversation that welcomes all voices and no one person is dominating, announcing or holding court. Imagine!! Give it a whirl.

Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. This seems one of those times.

Is listening a form of love we give to another person? Have you noticed when you have the full attention of another person, and when they add on to the conversation it is evident they were listening to our words and intent? It seems true that listening to another in those important ways, is an act of love. In these hurried, fragmented times between appointments and devices our own listening patience may be fragmented too.

Do we expect someone’s focused attention when we are sharing something that makes us feel vulnerable? Aren’t those the times we can actually get closer to another person, in sharing our vulnerabilities? As we know, to be vulnerable takes a lot of courage. And trust.

Our listening gene and time may seem changed in terms of how we now best communicate in the age of ever expanding social media and apps. Personal sharing and vulnerability is usually a one-on-one act, not in a group necessarily or on Social media. Some of us may be out of practice, yet a way to show love is to listen to another person we care in ways that are about them, not ourselves. That often means we give them our undivided attention and they feel it.

If you’ve been a good listener or have someone in your life you know is a good listener, then that is an act of love.

Part of living well and thus aging deliciously is to have healthy social connections, friends and events. An added lift or bonus is to welcome friends of all ages, especially significantly younger friends, into one’s life. Many of us have adult children or friendly grandchildren to visit and enjoy, but friendship is generally different with a different kind of glue holding it together.

We all can be curious and young at heart at any age for sure, yet sometimes hanging with our younger friends can remind us of our lighter side. No matter our age, we all benefit from being with friends we enjoy. Having friends from a younger generation can open us up to new information, ideas and territory…. and maybe add new words to the scrabble game.

Naturally there is a difference of some kind with friendship between age groups, yet with mutual respect for what one another brings to multigenerational friendships, being with younger friends can be enlivening and full of good health benefits.

As we approach a new year, it is a wonderful time to take stock and reset. These past few years have been intense for most of us, and now it feels like there is some kind of new shift and breathability. If all is going well and feeling good, we are blessed. Yet we might feel stuck and unsure how to get out of where we find ourselves, be it literally, or in our hearts and minds.

It is important to remember, we are never stuck. Changes take place in the present moment, right now, in our own minds. It doesn’t matter how long we’ve had a negative pattern, or an illness or a poor relationship or lack of finances. We can begin to make a shift today. We are the only person who thinks in our mind. We are the power and authority in our world.

Our thoughts and beliefs of the past have created this moment, and all the moments up to this moment. What we each choose to believe and think and say will create the next moment and the next day, the next month and the next year. Our minds are powerful and it is for us to be aware of what we are thinking. We need to be aware that we do have choices, whether we take them or not.

We each are the power in our own world. What we think usually is what we get. This moment begins a new process. Each moment is a new beginning, and this moment, on the eve of a new year, can be a new beginning for each of us right here, right now. This moment is the Point of Power. This moment is where change can begin.

To a new beginning and new year!

Inspired by “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay

Fear can seem a big part of living on this planet. And living from fear is not fun, joyful nor can it lead us to genuine happiness. There are a million theories and gurus to follow, to seek answers, to research and delve yet there seems a common theme running through all of them. Acting from love or fear are really our only choices as humans. Either we are afraid, and if we notice our thoughts that will help inform us. Are we anxious? Jealous? Envious? Greedy? Needy? Abusive? Hungry for power over others? Those are fear based feelings that come from our thoughts, and lead us to act, behave, and think in fear based ways. We even might convince ourselves it is love. That might be our trance? Ever notice our thoughts? How fast they are and can squirm around into a kind of familiar mindset or default position to blame or feel a victim or being right? Are we flexible or inflexible in those moments? It isn’t easy to just notice them and not act on it, because we think what we think is real.

As humans we have the capacity to change our own minds. Watching a Netflix documentary “Stutz” provided some interesting life contemplations. The documentary is produced by and about a 40-something actor’s lessons learned from his therapist Philip Stutz. The tools discussed are a positive life line because they can be immediately understood and used if we are ready and willing.

Love, of oneself and love of others is about being in this world with an open heart. That seems to require being vulnerable (which yes is courageous). And choosing every day to bring our positive life force to the table. Having a healthy life force, according to Stutz, is when we pay attention to 3 things like a pyramid starting at the base with our relationship to our bodies (eating, exercising), then our relationship to the people in our lives/having good social connections, and the relationship to ourselves (our inner workings, emotions, thoughts, words etc)

Being awake at the wheel while being willing do the constant work of being a better human is our challenge. Are we up for it? Ultimately it seems we are on this earth to live a love based life as the only way to have the joy and contentment many of us seek. The Stoics speak of it in terms of living a life of virtue is essential to having real happiness and meaning.

Love based living is a daily practice.

https://www.netflix.com/tudum/articles/stutz-the-tools

Link to Netflix article on Stutz documentary