Tag pausing

Offline Communication

Anne 2 Comments

This seems a funny term but one that is being used more lately. Offline communication is the idea that if more of the online and social media way of “connecting” is taken offline, meaning more personal and private way of sharing and conversing, then some of our human desire to feel closer and maybe more “seen” by one another will increase.

To those of us a tad farther down the road of life, online communication is the form we had to learn to take on, forcing replacement in many ways of the “offline”communicating that had been the norm for most of our lives. Offline communication would include all things smaller in scope and more personal in sharing nature, like phone calls, writing letters, meeting in person, and now maybe emails and texts with fewer recipients. Words like FaceTime co-opted much of our true face time, meaning meeting in person, face-to-face. We might feel we are staying in touch with more people by posting our daily activities or liking something posted, but are we? Do we feel special when someone we follow posts about their life to whomever is on their site? Is that a message particularly for us? It used to be that if we wanted to ensure loved ones knew about our life or activities we shared it personally, and that seems to be the meaning of offline communication, especially in turbulent times. And offline communication speaks to the idea of privacy, where even for work, the meeting and ideas are closed rather than open to random, possibly uninformed comments.

The main way for comfort, and tending and mending for our communities is to be personal and specific. Otherwise we can feel isolated and disconnected which can be a consequence of too much online communication. Using online communication exclusively rarely brings anyone closer, and it may not be making us more knowledgeable. Information does not necessarily lead to knowledge, but can lead to information overload and emotional fretting.

Maybe more offline communication allows for fuller and deeper conversations, and certainly more opportunity to really connect with others. We may be out of practice with offline communication, so finding some folks that are good at it and hang out with them is one way to learn. Or go on dog walks, start a conversational salon, join a book group, or just suggest going for coffee or wine with a person or people you like or would like to know better. Also at work, more offline communication may be less chaotic with fewer misunderstandings, and could help with finding better solutions because spending time communicating offline can be more patient than online. Taking more time can lead to more productive discussion, consideration, breathing space for response. And in the long run, can save time rather than revisiting the gaps overlooked.

Pauses are good. We need more pauses. We need to slow things down versus the endless stream of online communication we can be faced with and not feel in charge of anymore. Let’s take it offline, at least aim to add more offline communication to each of our days, everyday, and see how that feels. xoxo

Versation

Anne Leave a comment

Do you remember some of your favorite conversations, if not the content, maybe the feeling after having a great conversation? That great conversation usually includes back and forth talking and listening, building on what one another has said. That way the conversation is kind of fresh for you both, or those involved, maybe growing in new directions. That is the fun of conversing. It involves curiosity, energy and attention. Conversation provides important ways we can exchange and learn new things, because we really are listening to one another, and feeling heard too. Fresh thoughts and connections can emerge that maybe hadn’t occurred to us before we were stimulated by this conversational exchange. That is how a creative solution might surface, something we couldn’t have come up with on our own.

And on the other side of that, have you wanted to be in a conversation, maybe in a group, or visiting with a friend, yet little room is left open for you to participate? Maybe a person at a party is not sharing the air, and keeps talking and slowly people drift away or their eyes glaze over? It is interesting about energy how we can be drained or energized when talking to others. What is it about the dynamic of when one person dominates and isn’t trying to draw others into that topic, it can get frustrating? Maybe the topic is personal or particular so there is little room to participate or redirect. This type of behavior is what author Susan Scott calls “Versation”. Susan provides corporate communication training and strategies dealing with the negative impact on the bottom line that can result from those who tend to talk at great length without listening, pausing, or inviting comments. The speaker is usually not aware. Or maybe is not curious about what others have to say? It is frustrating for anyone looking forward to contributing to a meeting or conversation in relevant ways. How can we participate and build up the energy if no space is left to do so? Interrupting should not be the only way to participate.

Much is lost in an organization or relationship without real exchanges. Susan Scott points out that as long as we, any of us are talking and dominating the time, we aren’t learning anything new because we are speaking about something we already know. If we want to make a shift, one technique is to make note of the time and be aware of when we last heard someone else’s voice. Some of us may need to get comfortable with silence so the pauses can breathe and others feel encouraged to speak rather than be forced to interrupt in order to converse. Without the “con” or “with others” piece, it’s a monologue rather than conversation. A versation.