“Smile, Breathe and Go Slowly” — Thich Nhat Hanh
Tag mental-health
Hold the Moment
These days we often are reminded to stay present, breathe, slow down, be in the now, be mindful; all are different ways to get our attention to be in our bodies. Of course we have to make plans into the future or we’d never get anything done, yet there is a way to be aware in the present as we plan ahead. And for dwelling in the past, we can find ourselves ruminating on something that happened months or years ago. The best place to spend as much time as possible is RIGHT NOW. That can mean savoring each detail of our cup of tea or coffee as we make it, from the cup we choose to our favorite spot to enjoy it. Or how we pay attention to our pet when they come to us for attention, maybe noticing the feel of their fur, eye contact and that tail action. As a human, often our thoughts are elsewhere rather than enjoying the simpleness of where we are and what we are doing right now.
Sometimes a special moment finds us, we feel it and want to capture it in our mind’s eye, to commit it to memory. Beyond reaching for a camera, we can remind ourselves to “Hold the moment”. Have you ever been in a situation you know you want to remember, and somehow give yourself a hint to be able to retrieve it when need be? Maybe your parents are dancing in the kitchen, or you have a laughing attack with a dear friend, or it is snowing the first day of summer. “Hold the moment” often pertains to the feeling inside of us the moment evokes. It seems another way to appreciate something special as it is happening right in front of us.
Frenzy
It feels like we are in some kind of frenzy on the planet right now. Frenzy defined as a violent agitation, mania, a craze, temporary madness or delirium. Yes, that is what it can feel like when we hear all the goings on in this moment. Sometimes it can seem hard to discern what is what. If memory serves, we are not used to so much intense calamity piled on top of one another, again and again, over and over. Part of the calamity includes a sense of chaos without any grown up style resolution or problem solving. It feels like we are being constantly pummeled with never-ending gobsmacking events worldwide. We don’t want to become numb but it also is hard to be available daily to process the latest whatever and figure out what action or response might be ours to do. With constant news of chaos and violent acts, it can feel like a hate frenzy of some sort when taken in all at once. Overload and harsh.
And what happens to a frenzy? Does it wear itself out? Get something sobering poured on it suddenly to drop the voltage? And in the face of frenzy, what do the rest of us do? What is the opposite of being in a frenzy or part of one? Being in a calm, cool and collected place? Sounds like we need to pay attention to ourselves, or inner selves to stay in a calm, cool and collected state so as not to feed the frenzy around us, and in the world. And support others around us who also want to stay calm. We can support each other in a frenzied worldwide time. Maybe our calmer energy can help to quiet the frenzied energy? Let us trust that is how this works.
As Winston Churchill said, ” Stay Calm and Carry On”.
Self-Actualization
Self-actualization, or being the best a person can be is considered one of the higher evolutionary needs of being human. Abraham Maslow, a prominent American psychologist in the 1940s developed this theory. He identified that humans had 5 levels of needs that motivate them, a hierarchy if you will. Imagine a pyramid shape, with level 1 starting at the bottom. Maslow’s theorized that there was a natural progression of needs for an individual and until one level was met it wasn’t possible to be motivated to the next level.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs theory states that until Basic Physiological needs (level 1) are met (having enough water, food and shelter) then a person cannot think much beyond their survival. Once Basic needs are met then Safety needs (level 2) come into focus. This includes ways to keep oneself safe through having stability, security of sorts etc. A person needs a foundation and build each level onto that. Level 3 is about Love and Belonging which is that of connection to others, intimacy, family, friends, community. Esteem is something earned over time as part of Level 4, that sense of respect, social status and recognition in the larger world but also self- esteem.
For level 5, Self-Actualization, in Maslow’s era it generally became part of one’s latter years, when one retired and had more leisure time. (Yet in recent decades with more leisure time, many people seem to get involved in self-growth and actualization well before age 65.) Maslow saw an interest for some people to question, seek in an effort to be better versions of themselves, for self-improvement and self-fulfillment. To reach self-actualization required engaging in introspection, exploration and contemplation. This is a big part of human development, motivated to seek and understand more about ourselves and the world.
To age deliciously, would this be considered level 5? With knowledge earned, certain experiences under our belt, plus more opportunity for self-exploration, would it seem remiss to not ask more of ourselves in terms of being our best? We can make time to quietly reflect and contemplate our own reactions in a situation and how we might wish them to be different ? Or if we paused we could change the direction of an interaction or our own internal awareness? What happens when we fully listen and don’t feel a need to say anything? Or what makes us feel agitated inside our body? Paying quiet attention is active when we actually are listening, feeling, checking in with ourselves in the moment. It can lead to a conscious and powerful shift.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs doesn’t assume that every person works through each level in their lifetime, particularly if their basic needs haven’t been met. Yet is a hierarchy still valid? Might now we be more likely to flow through the needs differently? Astrologist Pam Gregory suggested for example, in this current potent planetary energy, we have the opportunity to become our own spiritual hero.
The process of self-actualization might be compared to when the oyster has to deal with sand inside their shell. The sand is an irritant and the oyster wants to feel better so it works around it, eventually creating a beautiful pearl. Through discomfort and paying attention to ourselves in new and honest ways, it can lead to important changes, or pearls of wisdom. We can add these pearls to our life strand and journey. Honest self-exploration seems a healthy aspect of aging deliciously, taking the opportunity to look within, again and again.
Optimism or Pessimism?
There is a saying someone said that they’d rather be an optimist and be wrong than to be a pessimist and be right. Because the time while they are optimistic they are happier and more productive up to when things may not work out. Being an optimist doesn’t mean not being realistic, informed or serious, it just can mean this is a choice or way of choosing to see possibility in a situation. Another saying that comes to mind is “Nothing was invented by a pessimist.” Invention is about creating something new that hasn’t existed in exactly that form before. It seems in difficult times new or fresh ways of seeing things are necessary more than ever, yet harder to find when we feel pessimistic. How we participate and most likely creatively solve some issues will emerge from a positive mindset and heart, especially once clutter, rubble and confusion dies down. Chaos could be seen as an opportunity?
Maybe that is a tall order. But we are in charge of our minds and hearts. Of course the energy and people around us affect, and infect us. We need to be discerning about what we allow around and into our bodies, minds and souls. That means where we spend our time, energy and resources any given day or week is what will most impact us and how we feel, think and act.
Having positive windows of time to do those things we know fill us up or calm us down are important to include as part of our day. Maybe ensure we have a positive chat with a friend, go on a brisk walk, create something, or be in nature. Whatever we love and know helps fill us up, now is the time to ensure we include that in our day-to-day. We can also be part of and invite larger circles of mutual support for ourselves. Having the right kind of support is an important aspect of change of any kind. And support can help us feel less alone and maybe more of an optimist?
Offline Communication
This seems a funny term but one that is being used more lately. Offline communication is the idea that if more of the online and social media way of “connecting” is taken offline, meaning more personal and private way of sharing and conversing, then some of our human desire to feel closer and maybe more “seen” by one another will increase.
To those of us a tad farther down the road of life, online communication is the form we had to learn to take on, forcing replacement in many ways of the “offline”communicating that had been the norm for most of our lives. Offline communication would include all things smaller in scope and more personal in sharing nature, like phone calls, writing letters, meeting in person, and now maybe emails and texts with fewer recipients. Words like FaceTime co-opted much of our true face time, meaning meeting in person, face-to-face. We might feel we are staying in touch with more people by posting our daily activities or liking something posted, but are we? Do we feel special when someone we follow posts about their life to whomever is on their site? Is that a message particularly for us? It used to be that if we wanted to ensure loved ones knew about our life or activities we shared it personally, and that seems to be the meaning of offline communication, especially in turbulent times. And offline communication speaks to the idea of privacy, where even for work, the meeting and ideas are closed rather than open to random, possibly uninformed comments.
The main way for comfort, and tending and mending for our communities is to be personal and specific. Otherwise we can feel isolated and disconnected which can be a consequence of too much online communication. Using online communication exclusively rarely brings anyone closer, and it may not be making us more knowledgeable. Information does not necessarily lead to knowledge, but can lead to information overload and emotional fretting.
Maybe more offline communication allows for fuller and deeper conversations, and certainly more opportunity to really connect with others. We may be out of practice with offline communication, so finding some folks that are good at it and hang out with them is one way to learn. Or go on dog walks, start a conversational salon, join a book group, or just suggest going for coffee or wine with a person or people you like or would like to know better. Also at work, more offline communication may be less chaotic with fewer misunderstandings, and could help with finding better solutions because spending time communicating offline can be more patient than online. Taking more time can lead to more productive discussion, consideration, breathing space for response. And in the long run, can save time rather than revisiting the gaps overlooked.
Pauses are good. We need more pauses. We need to slow things down versus the endless stream of online communication we can be faced with and not feel in charge of anymore. Let’s take it offline, at least aim to add more offline communication to each of our days, everyday, and see how that feels. xoxo
Are We Sure?
It seems the idea of conversation, and it’s importance is a theme here of late 🙂 Ramona, a reader, left a comment about “Fierce Conversations”, and with Maureen’s gift of that book, it has sparked this post.
Author Susan Scott of “Fierce Conversations” believes that all of our relating, be it at work or in our life, is done through one conversation at a time. Whether we are direct or careful, fully say what is on our mind, or tip toe, each conversation builds on the one before, and that is our relationship. Scott gives examples of those who just nod yes at the work meeting because the boss doesn’t take well to disagreement, yet that can lead to dire consequences for a business because no one person has the full perspective, able to see from all angles. Or someone having their head in the sand so to speak, and many others can see it, are frustrated by it, but say nothing knowing it won’t be well received.
For any of us, the idea of keeping an open mind, and to not assume our point of view is right, that is a practice many of us are challenged to do. Or may not be aware we do it. No matter our good intentions or open minded beliefs, when presented with an uncomfortable exchange, be it small or large, our habit may be to seek safer ground. Maybe we keep our voice quiet rather than explore this different point of view. The truth for each of us might seem obvious and for us has held up over time. Yet, Scott says, whatever we are sure of, don’t be. Naturally, we want to be sure of things, and life is gentler when we are agreed with or not shown something we ignore or don’t want to consider. Yet how will we be different or how will the world be the change we say we want if we aren’t open to honest conversations, meaning really sharing what is the truth in our head we don’t often say out loud? If we are careful with people because we know the emotional landmines and limits, are we learning or growing or stretched in any significant way? To some of us, this may matter, to others maybe not?
This seems a time on our earth we need to have more fierce conversations. This means to speak our truth rather than our habit to avoid the uncomfortable with our loved ones or work colleagues . It seems being willing to share our real points of view, and to hear others in a mutual way, our conversations will be more about relating, and getting to the heart of the matter for ourselves and those we come in contact. And that seems a cleaner and healthier way to live. Otherwise we end up with the consequences of all the less than fierce conversations we have had, because we couldn’t bring it up. And often then there is suffering. Maybe our’s. Maybe their’s. Maybe both.
So, whatever we are sure of, don’t be. Let’s be open to consider we don’t know or may not be right. Maybe we get fiercer, more honest so that our relationships are more connected and honest and we can act on that clarity. There is a kind way to delve and bring things up, and in doing so, it shifts old habits and lifts old burdens. Even if the answer is I don’t know or I haven’t thought about it, Scott asks, well if you did know, what would you answer or if you had thought about it…just ways to not let it drop or allow people to cop out. Not easy, but a new lens to consider.
Ageilicious 