Do you remember some of your favorite conversations, if not the content, maybe the feeling after having a great conversation? That great conversation usually includes back and forth talking and listening, building on what one another has said. That way the conversation is kind of fresh for you both, or those involved, maybe growing in new directions. That is the fun of conversing. It involves curiosity, energy and attention. Conversation provides important ways we can exchange and learn new things, because we really are listening to one another, and feeling heard too. Fresh thoughts and connections can emerge that maybe hadn’t occurred to us before we were stimulated by this conversational exchange. That is how a creative solution might surface, something we couldn’t have come up with on our own.

And on the other side of that, have you wanted to be in a conversation, maybe in a group, or visiting with a friend, yet little room is left open for you to participate? Maybe a person at a party is not sharing the air, and keeps talking and slowly people drift away or their eyes glaze over? It is interesting about energy how we can be drained or energized when talking to others. What is it about the dynamic of when one person dominates and isn’t trying to draw others into that topic, it can get frustrating? Maybe the topic is personal or particular so there is little room to participate or redirect. This type of behavior is what author Susan Scott calls “Versation”. Susan provides corporate communication training and strategies dealing with the negative impact on the bottom line that can result from those who tend to talk at great length without listening, pausing, or inviting comments. The speaker is usually not aware. Or maybe is not curious about what others have to say? It is frustrating for anyone looking forward to contributing to a meeting or conversation in relevant ways. How can we participate and build up the energy if no space is left to do so? Interrupting should not be the only way to participate.

Much is lost in an organization or relationship without real exchanges. Susan Scott points out that as long as we, any of us are talking and dominating the time, we aren’t learning anything new because we are speaking about something we already know. If we want to make a shift, one technique is to make note of the time and be aware of when we last heard someone else’s voice. Some of us may need to get comfortable with silence so the pauses can breathe and others feel encouraged to speak rather than be forced to interrupt in order to converse. Without the “con” or “with others” piece, it’s a monologue rather than conversation. A versation.