Tag health

Yes No

Anne 3 Comments

” When you say yes to others make sure you’re not saying no to yourself.” –– Paulo Coelho, Brazilian lyricist and novelist.

Sometimes we are asked to do something, help, run for office, to show up in some way which may be the right thing to do. Yet we also need to ask ourselves is it the right thing for me to be doing right now? It might be the right thing to do, but it actually may be better for someone else to do it, not us. That is an interesting way to check in with ourselves. In our earlier years we may not know what is the right thing for us to do for ourselves. We are still learning and figuring out that kind of stuff. We can’t learn without the experience of how some things feel or the effect they may have on us without us saying yes.

Maybe we want to be generous and kind towards others, yet again, we need to make sure our “tank” is full first. Or at least half full before we start offering our “yes” to others. This really is a reminder to check in with ourselves as we move along in our life. Our energy changes. Our inclinations toward how we can best contribute or participate changes or shifts. And the gifts we can offer as we move along in the living years changes too. We (hopefully) are a tad wiser with age, wisdom coming with knowledge and experience, and that wisdom is part of knowing when we can say yes to others without saying no to ourselves.

Frenzy

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It feels like we are in some kind of frenzy on the planet right now. Frenzy defined as a violent agitation, mania, a craze, temporary madness or delirium. Yes, that is what it can feel like when we hear all the goings on in this moment. Sometimes it can seem hard to discern what is what. If memory serves, we are not used to so much intense calamity piled on top of one another, again and again, over and over. Part of the calamity includes a sense of chaos without any grown up style resolution or problem solving. It feels like we are being constantly pummeled with never-ending gobsmacking events worldwide. We don’t want to become numb but it also is hard to be available daily to process the latest whatever and figure out what action or response might be ours to do. With constant news of chaos and violent acts, it can feel like a hate frenzy of some sort when taken in all at once. Overload and harsh.

And what happens to a frenzy? Does it wear itself out? Get something sobering poured on it suddenly to drop the voltage? And in the face of frenzy, what do the rest of us do? What is the opposite of being in a frenzy or part of one? Being in a calm, cool and collected place? Sounds like we need to pay attention to ourselves, or inner selves to stay in a calm, cool and collected state so as not to feed the frenzy around us, and in the world. And support others around us who also want to stay calm. We can support each other in a frenzied worldwide time. Maybe our calmer energy can help to quiet the frenzied energy? Let us trust that is how this works.

As Winston Churchill said, ” Stay Calm and Carry On”.

Mind Clutter

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Over the years we have heard and learned more about the idea of downsizing, simplifying, decluttering or being a minimalist. Usually we are talking about our material stuff; downsizing or decluttering our homes, organizing drawers, or maybe simplifying our spending or our lifestyle. But what about our minds? There can be a lot of chatter and debris in our minds that can weigh us down, get us off track or just be exhausting. So a minimalist attitude to life might naturally include our minds because our thinking is a big part of how we function, decide, engage and experience life.

Maybe our mind is full of old clutter that we might keep cycling through just out of habit, like thinking about an event in the past the same way, over and over, seeing the same “reel” or thoughts, with no better feeling or outcome? Can we choose to be a minimalist in our thinking, at least in those areas we are aware do feel cluttered and aren’t helping us? Maybe worry, or an over analytical thinking process are some ways clutter can get piled up?

We can learn to interrupt our thoughts. It begins with first being aware of what we are doing. Without that, no change or shift is possible. Yet to imagine one’s brain as more minimalistic in terms of unwanted clutter, then that can be a beautiful endeavor. Maybe bring to mind a time when we felt relaxed or a place in nature that allows us to go “Ahhhhhhhh.” Just that pause, and notice, could help shift the mind clutter in that moment, and shows us that we can interrupt those habits.

Optimism or Pessimism?

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There is a saying someone said that they’d rather be an optimist and be wrong than to be a pessimist and be right. Because the time while they are optimistic they are happier and more productive up to when things may not work out. Being an optimist doesn’t mean not being realistic, informed or serious, it just can mean this is a choice or way of choosing to see possibility in a situation. Another saying that comes to mind is “Nothing was invented by a pessimist.” Invention is about creating something new that hasn’t existed in exactly that form before. It seems in difficult times new or fresh ways of seeing things are necessary more than ever, yet harder to find when we feel pessimistic. How we participate and most likely creatively solve some issues will emerge from a positive mindset and heart, especially once clutter, rubble and confusion dies down. Chaos could be seen as an opportunity?

Maybe that is a tall order. But we are in charge of our minds and hearts. Of course the energy and people around us affect, and infect us. We need to be discerning about what we allow around and into our bodies, minds and souls. That means where we spend our time, energy and resources any given day or week is what will most impact us and how we feel, think and act.

Having positive windows of time to do those things we know fill us up or calm us down are important to include as part of our day. Maybe ensure we have a positive chat with a friend, go on a brisk walk, create something, or be in nature. Whatever we love and know helps fill us up, now is the time to ensure we include that in our day-to-day. We can also be part of and invite larger circles of mutual support for ourselves. Having the right kind of support is an important aspect of change of any kind. And support can help us feel less alone and maybe more of an optimist?

Common Threads

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What are some common threads we see in our own lives? Even if we have moved all over, taken a variety of jobs, or felt lost at times, there is a thread we wove throughout. Some element pulled us through our lives that can be viewed as a common thread.

Particularly in our 20s and 30s while we are trying to make sense of this “new’ world, didn’t we actively seek out people, books and experiences to gain understanding about life and living? Life is a smorgasbord of tastings and possibilities. Gradually we find what resonates for us. Or maybe fall into it. The common thread shows up in our own choices, decisions and preferences; day by day, year to year.

We have earned this place in our lives. We can remain curious and take time to contemplate the common thread running through our own lives. If our lives has many twists and turns we might wonder what is the common thread. Maybe we chose our path based on principles, or love, stability or maybe the constant was the adventure of wherever the wind blew us? We can find common threads in the tapestry of what makes our life our life. And we keep weaving.

Pro-Aging

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Are you a pro-ager?

“…Pro-agers don’t deny their mortal state; they simply make the most of life and enhance their health in all the ways they still can. They have shown time and again that it’s possible to embrace aging for all it offers, even as we miss what it inevitably takes away. ”

In “Experience Life” magazine Jon Spayde wrote about Pro-Aging, and in his research and interviews covered some interesting themes among those people who have shifted their attitude about aging, and thus their health. In our western anti-aging culture discarding the assumptions that youth is required for vitality and age equals obsolescence, might lead one to become a pro-ager.

Naturally the aging transition can be a challenging one. Many of us want to feel good about aging, collecting relevant tips of how best to do that while letting go of negative beliefs that may get in our way. The main crux of pro-aging seems to be one’s attitude or mindset. Living in a culture that respects aging obviously helps, yet a positive outlook wherever you live can influence motor skills like balance and faster walking speed. And age can bring wisdom. We have a choice of how to use and share our earned experience. We could be negative, glass half-empty, or go with the flow, saying yes more often. Have fun! That is the pro-aging choice. The article of course includes the usual aging tips like keep moving, eat well-and a little less, improve sleep quality and stay hydrated.

As Spayde summarizes, “A pro-aging attitude, pro-aging beliefs, and proactive self-care make it easier to say yes to all that our lives still have to offer.”

(Sunflowers photo credit: Peter Jandula-Hudson)

Are We Sure?

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It seems the idea of conversation, and it’s importance is a theme here of late 🙂 Ramona, a reader, left a comment about “Fierce Conversations”, and with Maureen’s gift of that book, it has sparked this post.

Author Susan Scott of “Fierce Conversations” believes that all of our relating, be it at work or in our life, is done through one conversation at a time. Whether we are direct or careful, fully say what is on our mind, or tip toe, each conversation builds on the one before, and that is our relationship. Scott gives examples of those who just nod yes at the work meeting because the boss doesn’t take well to disagreement, yet that can lead to dire consequences for a business because no one person has the full perspective, able to see from all angles. Or someone having their head in the sand so to speak, and many others can see it, are frustrated by it, but say nothing knowing it won’t be well received.

For any of us, the idea of keeping an open mind, and to not assume our point of view is right, that is a practice many of us are challenged to do. Or may not be aware we do it. No matter our good intentions or open minded beliefs, when presented with an uncomfortable exchange, be it small or large, our habit may be to seek safer ground. Maybe we keep our voice quiet rather than explore this different point of view. The truth for each of us might seem obvious and for us has held up over time. Yet, Scott says, whatever we are sure of, don’t be. Naturally, we want to be sure of things, and life is gentler when we are agreed with or not shown something we ignore or don’t want to consider. Yet how will we be different or how will the world be the change we say we want if we aren’t open to honest conversations, meaning really sharing what is the truth in our head we don’t often say out loud? If we are careful with people because we know the emotional landmines and limits, are we learning or growing or stretched in any significant way? To some of us, this may matter, to others maybe not?

This seems a time on our earth we need to have more fierce conversations. This means to speak our truth rather than our habit to avoid the uncomfortable with our loved ones or work colleagues . It seems being willing to share our real points of view, and to hear others in a mutual way, our conversations will be more about relating, and getting to the heart of the matter for ourselves and those we come in contact. And that seems a cleaner and healthier way to live. Otherwise we end up with the consequences of all the less than fierce conversations we have had, because we couldn’t bring it up. And often then there is suffering. Maybe our’s. Maybe their’s. Maybe both.

So, whatever we are sure of, don’t be. Let’s be open to consider we don’t know or may not be right. Maybe we get fiercer, more honest so that our relationships are more connected and honest and we can act on that clarity. There is a kind way to delve and bring things up, and in doing so, it shifts old habits and lifts old burdens. Even if the answer is I don’t know or I haven’t thought about it, Scott asks, well if you did know, what would you answer or if you had thought about it…just ways to not let it drop or allow people to cop out. Not easy, but a new lens to consider.

Reflecting

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I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe. —- Dalai Lama

There is no way around it. We find ourselves in crazy times. Yet also these times can be opportunities to whittle down to the nuggets of what most matters to us individually and those in our own wee orbits. We have the time to reflect, take stock, learn more, unlearn other things, and maybe come out of this forced “cocoon” stripped down to the essentials of what we know matters most to us. We might come through these crazy times with a clearer compass reading of where we want to spend our time, energy and resources and make that happen. In that way what we do and how we do it reflects our values and what we say matters to us. That can lead to being and feeling congruent, inside and out. Making such shifts, whittling down to the nuggets, could have impact on ourselves, others and the world we want to be a part.