Author Anne

Optimism or Pessimism?

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There is a saying someone said that they’d rather be an optimist and be wrong than to be a pessimist and be right. Because the time while they are optimistic they are happier and more productive up to when things may not work out. Being an optimist doesn’t mean not being realistic, informed or serious, it just can mean this is a choice or way of choosing to see possibility in a situation. Another saying that comes to mind is “Nothing was invented by a pessimist.” Invention is about creating something new that hasn’t existed in exactly that form before. It seems in difficult times new or fresh ways of seeing things are necessary more than ever, yet harder to find when we feel pessimistic. How we participate and most likely creatively solve some issues will emerge from a positive mindset and heart, especially once clutter, rubble and confusion dies down. Chaos could be seen as an opportunity?

Maybe that is a tall order. But we are in charge of our minds and hearts. Of course the energy and people around us affect, and infect us. We need to be discerning about what we allow around and into our bodies, minds and souls. That means where we spend our time, energy and resources any given day or week is what will most impact us and how we feel, think and act.

Having positive windows of time to do those things we know fill us up or calm us down are important to include as part of our day. Maybe ensure we have a positive chat with a friend, go on a brisk walk, create something, or be in nature. Whatever we love and know helps fill us up, now is the time to ensure we include that in our day-to-day. We can also be part of and invite larger circles of mutual support for ourselves. Having the right kind of support is an important aspect of change of any kind. And support can help us feel less alone and maybe more of an optimist?

Common Threads

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What are some common threads we see in our own lives? Even if we have moved all over, taken a variety of jobs, or felt lost at times, there is a thread we wove throughout. Some element pulled us through our lives that can be viewed as a common thread.

Particularly in our 20s and 30s while we are trying to make sense of this “new’ world, didn’t we actively seek out people, books and experiences to gain understanding about life and living? Life is a smorgasbord of tastings and possibilities. Gradually we find what resonates for us. Or maybe fall into it. The common thread shows up in our own choices, decisions and preferences; day by day, year to year.

We have earned this place in our lives. We can remain curious and take time to contemplate the common thread running through our own lives. If our lives has many twists and turns we might wonder what is the common thread. Maybe we chose our path based on principles, or love, stability or maybe the constant was the adventure of wherever the wind blew us? We can find common threads in the tapestry of what makes our life our life. And we keep weaving.

365 Blank Pages

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On the Eve of the New Year, we face a blank slate or blank pages, 365 of them hopefully. We don’t know what is next, yet we have those opportunities of possibilities when we pay attention, even to the small things. Like taking a moment to really listen to a child or a friend, and be there. Or stopping to savor that cup of tea or coffee before a meeting, or taking a moment to notice the sky. We can miss moments all the time, seemingly looking for something else out there we deem better?

We are the writer, director, producer and lead actor in our own story. Let the story be the one we intend. Naturally we will zone out some days or times, just to take a break, but let’s not take too many breaks. Toast to the end of this year, reflect and based on those lessons or experiences, what do we want our 2025 story to be? Opportunities and possibilities await my friend.

Happy Merry Everything. xoxox

Is Aging Linear?

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Below is a 3:50 minute clip from Ximena Abogabir, a Chilean who started Travesia 100 (Journey to 100) organization to shift myths about aging. At 70, and working all her life, she started seeing how being old and a woman became a double discrimination for her and others.

As Ximena delved deeper, she believed as we age our wisdom has value and can be elevated to the “Silver Economy” of workers and mentors. Most cultures put aging into a linear line, and once we reach 65 or beyond, the myth becomes we are less productive and valuable. What really happens is our value shifts to sharing our energy, time and earned wisdom with others in ways that elevate us all. What a lovely way to move forward into our new year!

Ximena is now 76 and her organization has 4000 volunteers. She definitely is part of Aging Deliciously. Take a look.

Offline Communication

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This seems a funny term but one that is being used more lately. Offline communication is the idea that if more of the online and social media way of “connecting” is taken offline, meaning more personal and private way of sharing and conversing, then some of our human desire to feel closer and maybe more “seen” by one another will increase.

To those of us a tad farther down the road of life, online communication is the form we had to learn to take on, forcing replacement in many ways of the “offline”communicating that had been the norm for most of our lives. Offline communication would include all things smaller in scope and more personal in sharing nature, like phone calls, writing letters, meeting in person, and now maybe emails and texts with fewer recipients. Words like FaceTime co-opted much of our true face time, meaning meeting in person, face-to-face. We might feel we are staying in touch with more people by posting our daily activities or liking something posted, but are we? Do we feel special when someone we follow posts about their life to whomever is on their site? Is that a message particularly for us? It used to be that if we wanted to ensure loved ones knew about our life or activities we shared it personally, and that seems to be the meaning of offline communication, especially in turbulent times. And offline communication speaks to the idea of privacy, where even for work, the meeting and ideas are closed rather than open to random, possibly uninformed comments.

The main way for comfort, and tending and mending for our communities is to be personal and specific. Otherwise we can feel isolated and disconnected which can be a consequence of too much online communication. Using online communication exclusively rarely brings anyone closer, and it may not be making us more knowledgeable. Information does not necessarily lead to knowledge, but can lead to information overload and emotional fretting.

Maybe more offline communication allows for fuller and deeper conversations, and certainly more opportunity to really connect with others. We may be out of practice with offline communication, so finding some folks that are good at it and hang out with them is one way to learn. Or go on dog walks, start a conversational salon, join a book group, or just suggest going for coffee or wine with a person or people you like or would like to know better. Also at work, more offline communication may be less chaotic with fewer misunderstandings, and could help with finding better solutions because spending time communicating offline can be more patient than online. Taking more time can lead to more productive discussion, consideration, breathing space for response. And in the long run, can save time rather than revisiting the gaps overlooked.

Pauses are good. We need more pauses. We need to slow things down versus the endless stream of online communication we can be faced with and not feel in charge of anymore. Let’s take it offline, at least aim to add more offline communication to each of our days, everyday, and see how that feels. xoxo

Versation

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Do you remember some of your favorite conversations, if not the content, maybe the feeling after having a great conversation? That great conversation usually includes back and forth talking and listening, building on what one another has said. That way the conversation is kind of fresh for you both, or those involved, maybe growing in new directions. That is the fun of conversing. It involves curiosity, energy and attention. Conversation provides important ways we can exchange and learn new things, because we really are listening to one another, and feeling heard too. Fresh thoughts and connections can emerge that maybe hadn’t occurred to us before we were stimulated by this conversational exchange. That is how a creative solution might surface, something we couldn’t have come up with on our own.

And on the other side of that, have you wanted to be in a conversation, maybe in a group, or visiting with a friend, yet little room is left open for you to participate? Maybe a person at a party is not sharing the air, and keeps talking and slowly people drift away or their eyes glaze over? It is interesting about energy how we can be drained or energized when talking to others. What is it about the dynamic of when one person dominates and isn’t trying to draw others into that topic, it can get frustrating? Maybe the topic is personal or particular so there is little room to participate or redirect. This type of behavior is what author Susan Scott calls “Versation”. Susan provides corporate communication training and strategies dealing with the negative impact on the bottom line that can result from those who tend to talk at great length without listening, pausing, or inviting comments. The speaker is usually not aware. Or maybe is not curious about what others have to say? It is frustrating for anyone looking forward to contributing to a meeting or conversation in relevant ways. How can we participate and build up the energy if no space is left to do so? Interrupting should not be the only way to participate.

Much is lost in an organization or relationship without real exchanges. Susan Scott points out that as long as we, any of us are talking and dominating the time, we aren’t learning anything new because we are speaking about something we already know. If we want to make a shift, one technique is to make note of the time and be aware of when we last heard someone else’s voice. Some of us may need to get comfortable with silence so the pauses can breathe and others feel encouraged to speak rather than be forced to interrupt in order to converse. Without the “con” or “with others” piece, it’s a monologue rather than conversation. A versation.

Pro-Aging

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Are you a pro-ager?

“…Pro-agers don’t deny their mortal state; they simply make the most of life and enhance their health in all the ways they still can. They have shown time and again that it’s possible to embrace aging for all it offers, even as we miss what it inevitably takes away. ”

In “Experience Life” magazine Jon Spayde wrote about Pro-Aging, and in his research and interviews covered some interesting themes among those people who have shifted their attitude about aging, and thus their health. In our western anti-aging culture discarding the assumptions that youth is required for vitality and age equals obsolescence, might lead one to become a pro-ager.

Naturally the aging transition can be a challenging one. Many of us want to feel good about aging, collecting relevant tips of how best to do that while letting go of negative beliefs that may get in our way. The main crux of pro-aging seems to be one’s attitude or mindset. Living in a culture that respects aging obviously helps, yet a positive outlook wherever you live can influence motor skills like balance and faster walking speed. And age can bring wisdom. We have a choice of how to use and share our earned experience. We could be negative, glass half-empty, or go with the flow, saying yes more often. Have fun! That is the pro-aging choice. The article of course includes the usual aging tips like keep moving, eat well-and a little less, improve sleep quality and stay hydrated.

As Spayde summarizes, “A pro-aging attitude, pro-aging beliefs, and proactive self-care make it easier to say yes to all that our lives still have to offer.”

(Sunflowers photo credit: Peter Jandula-Hudson)

The Five L’s for Living Well

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Dr. Gladys McGarey is a holistic doctor, author, and advice giver when asked. Currently she can be found on Youtube answering the common question of “if you could tell a younger person anything what would it be?” McGarey is now 104 years old and still excited by life and her purpose. She has written about the 5 L’s for a long and happy life: Life, love, laughter, labor and listening.

Life itself: “As you pay attention to life itself, life is like a seed. It has a shell around it. It has all the energy of the universe within it,” says McGarey. But life can’t change for the better without being activated by us first.
Love: “Love is the activating factor. It cracks the shell,” she says. “It’s the whole aspect of life as we come into it and take our first breath.” Love feeds into the remaining aspects of what makes life meaningful.
Laughter: “Laughter without love is cruel. It’s mean [and] cold,” McGarey says. “But laughter with love is joy and happiness.”
Labor: “Labor without love is drudgery. ‘I gotta go to work’ or ‘They’re too many diapers,’” she says. “Labor with love is bliss. It’s why a singer sings, why a painter paints, why I became a doctor. It’s what juices you up. It’s what makes you really know: ‘This is who the inner core of me is.’” Pay attention to what drives you, she adds.
Listening: “Listening without love is empty sound,” says McGarey. “But listening with love is understanding.” When you’re able to find people who understand you and what your purpose is, life becomes more fulfilling and you can go on to do the same for others.

According to McGarey, really until our last breath these 5 L’s remain the key to living fully and well. Check her out on youtube. She’s got a beautiful braided crown of hair as she gestures excitedly about living with love, light and purpose.

Aldous Huxley Quote

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What’s the expiration on wisdom shared? Coming across a quote from prolific author, philosopher and pacifist Aldous Huxley these words seem to hold up in terms of relevance no matter where in time humans may find themselves. Huxley died in 1963 at the age 69, having written more than 50 books including “Brave New World”. He seemed to be endlessly curious and contemplative, with a broad range of interests over his lifetime such as mysticism and universalism.

Sharing Life Lessons

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In reading a quote from Olympic coach LaTanya Sheffield, her coaching philosophy is “Share all of the life lessons and wisdom that you have.” She was talking about the athletes she works with and her daughters, yet it seems it could apply to any aspect of one’s life. Maybe we don’t think what we have to share is wise, or even a life lesson, but there are things that having more years of experience can be helpful to those a minute or two behind us on this life journey.

Maybe it is a short moment between you and a stranger. The person shares something about a challenge they are having, and you have a perspective that might prove helpful. We don’t mean offering a lecture or being bossy pants but rather how it is broached and received, this can be the act of sharing life lessons we have with those who might benefit. And by benefit we mean, if years ago someone had shared with us that same wisdom, might we have saved ourselves some grief, suffering or time? Or just not felt so alone? Perhaps all we “gain” by sharing is to ease someone through a difficult moment, and then we move on. Maybe it helps, maybe they do think about our words. Or maybe we are building capacity with another/others through a longer “relating ship”.

A life lesson is earned and can be a gift to pass along. It seems a person may not know or have perspective on their own dilemma or goal. They may be swimming in confusion, angst or overwhelm. Certainly they may not have the bird’s eye view a more experienced or wiser soul might see. If we can see something, and say something relevant, it just may be the lift or insight needed because those confused or “in it” at the moment might not know what is going to help. It can be a gift delivered and shared.